Believing you could lose a loved one to addiction is terrifying.
It’s not only scary when a loved one is struggling with drugs and alcohol—it’s downright horrific. You fear for their relationships, their livelihood, their hopes and dreams, and their life. The thought of losing them to this disease is very real and it’s terrifying.
They are still the person you know and love—even if they aren’t acting like it right now. You want more time with them, to see them happy and thriving.
If this hits home, here are some things to consider…
Harm reduction
When a person’s life is at risk, then that's of highest concern. Finding a way to eliminate that immediate risk is the highest priority. For example, if you learn that your loved one is mixing drugs and alcohol, engaging in criminal behavior, or drunk driving they are engaging in high risk behavior. The priority is reducing the potential for harm and keeping them alive. Harm reduction approaches are facilitative rather than coercive and reinforce positive change, no matter how small.
Show them you care
Often the behavior of an active addict can really challenge you and your willingness to care for them. “If they don’t care for themselves, why should I?” or maybe “They seem to not care and my care only scares them off, makes them defensive or enables them” You and I know we are powerless to change others but that doesn’t mean we stop caring. Loving and caring for others is risky in that we may not get back what we’re giving. So very much like how God has so loved us. Be like Jesus; loving, forgiving and committed to trusting God.
Truth and Love
Speaking truth in love is a real art and skill. As Warren Wiersbe puts it, “Truth without love is brutality, love without truth is hypocrisy.” Our emotions can overrule reason, fear and hurt often show themselves as anger. Practice telling the truth. Start with yourself first. Find a safe place and talk out loud about how you feel or experience your loved one. Be careful not to blame them by taking responsibility for your own reactions. Then consider writing it down. Determine to discover your role and responsibility.
You matter
You must take care of yourself. Boundaries are a common idea when it comes to relating to others, let alone an active addict. Knowing what you need to keep yourself safe and your heart soft and taking responsibility for that is your work to do. Be aware of the “unearned guilt” you might feel when you do take care of yourself and stop taking care of your loved one. Remind yourself that you matter too. Speaking truth in love is your responsibility, taking care of yourself is your responsibility. How your loved one responds is not.
Harbor Rock Recovery can help you
There is so much support out there for you but it can be hard to find the best place to start and the right fit for you. Reach out to us, we can help. Freedom@Harborrockrecovery.org
I’m praying for you!
